10 ways to get Blacks to support gay marriage

Guest Who

Author Randy Boyd is away authoring his next novel, but thanks to Freaky Deaky Technologies, the author’s characters are doing it for themselves in Guest Who? 

Our guest bloggers today: partners Deon Anthony and Charlie Dubious from Uprising, the suspense thriller by Randy Boyd. Deon is a closeted basketball legend. Charlie is his sissified, very queeny boyfriend. Both men are black.

To the gays who wanna get married,

Y’all homos have been awfully loud and angry about being denied marriage rights, but y’all need to get real.

Politicians won’t support same-sex marriage until the majority of voters agree. However, the majority of black voters disagree with gay matrimony, so say the polls, and now that black folk got they own president, the bruthas and sisters are gonna be voting more and often.

So what’s a fag to do? Keep protesting all loud and angry? Forget about getting married? Move to Canada?

10 ways

Have no fear: Deon and Charlie are here with another solution for the queers of America: support black people.

When one of us isn’t playing pro ball and the other one isn’t shopping in drag, we surf the net and spend time with other closeted ballers and their lovers. We hear how you homos act towards us black folk. It ain’t pretty. What’s with all the WHITES AND LATINS ONLY language on the net? Everywhere you look, fags online are telling the world: I only want white and Latin men!

What the fuck? What universe are we in? Tell us how you really feel about niggers. Oh, wait, you just did, and you do it every single day in ALL CAPS on the world wide web for the whole wide world to see: WHITES AND LATINS ONLY. SORRY, JUST A PREFERENCE.

Honkeys, please. You snow queens, too. Blacks will never support gay marriage if you keep treating them like they’re colored people, as in “separate but equal.”

So how, then, are gays supposed to treat black people? Glad you asked.

Here now: 10 different ways to show a brutha some love, so more black people will show gays some love back and support gays marrying.

1) Ask a black man something else besides, “What are you packing?” or, “Is it true what they say about black men?”

2) Assume a black man can do something else besides sports, entertainment and crime, for example, rocket scientist, novelist, cheerleader, great soul mate.

3) Realize that when you use (in ALL CAPS) words like WHITES AND LATINS ONLY. NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS, NO OFFENSE, you’re using the exact same language and justifications used by the people who, not long ago, posted segregation signs outside restaurants, restrooms, water fountains, beaches, schools, neighborhoods, marriage, the presidency of the United States.


4) Realize that when you use phrases like clean only, disease-free, bug-free, you’re using words that might hurt people’s feelings, including the many blacks who make up the majority of new HIV/AIDS cases.

5) Realize that HIV infection rates are once again at epidemic proportions in minority communities and do something about it, like, educate yourself with the idea of helping out in a way that enriches both yourself and the world.

6) Learn how to have safe sex, so if you meet a black man who happens to be HIV-positive, you can be intimate without worrying about AIDS.

7) Go out on a platonic date with a black man, just to see if it kills you.

8) Visualize being intimate with a black man without a thought about skin color or dick size. See if that kills you.

9) Be better than your parents, and your parents’ parents, and their parents, and break the cycle of excluding people from your deepest dreams in life, solely based on the color of their skin.

And finally, if you’re still unsure about supporting black people:

10) Take a Nigger to Lunch Day. Every month, be sure to book your calendar and do it, even if it kills you. And remember, by serving yourself, you’ll be serving yourself … later on at your wedding reception.

There must be a million more ways to integrate yourself into the life around you. It might sound challenging, but remember: in the end, blacks will become your champion for your rights, fighting for what you believe in because, “by golly, there’s no reason Mike and Mike shouldn’t be able to get married, why, they’re no different than LeQuicha and me” will become the mindset of the African American of tomorrow, and homos across America will be living happily ever after in wedded bliss.

Now that’s what you call an Uprising!

More Guest Who? on the Blocks:
Rising Up Over Gay Racism
Dear Queers, Give Black People Blue Jeans!