“Dear gay men of color: stop begging racist white gay men to love you!”
It was a strong admonition in the form of a blog post brought to my attention via a Facebook share.
“What is wrong with you people?” asks the author, whose chief complaint seems to be having to put up with reading or watching “another rambling think piece or whiny YouTube video about some dejected and rejected black gay man (or any other ethnicity) waxing poetic about how racist it is for white gay men to rebuke them based solely on race…”
So bothered by this, the author promises, one more post and “I am going to smash my head through a wall, seriously…”
The comment I began to write was so visceral (and long), I decided to turn it into a blog post. Here goes:
Wow, just what men of color who like white men need to hear … “what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you feel and act this way instead of that way? Don’t you realize how fucked up you are? How much you’ve internalized all the world’s racism and homophobia?”
Boy, that really helps to create a safe atmosphere in which one feels welcomed to share and bear witness to one’s journey… NOT!!!
Rejecting the rejected.
If one is tired of hearing about men of color rambling on or whining about being rejected by white men, the solution is simple: stop listening to us/reading about it/giving a fuck. (Especially if you’re contemplating smashing your head through a wall over it!)
No matter your response, some men and boys of color will continue to pursue whoever the fuck they want—including white men—with or without your (or their) support, love and understanding.
Furthermore, these boys and men of color who want white men will continue to bear witness to their experiences, including both the joy and pain that comes from being attracted to a member of the politically, financially and culturally dominant race in our society.
If you can’t handle that, to quote what actor DL Hughley said to President Trump in a video: “Fuck you now and fuck you forever.”
My flight to white.
Long ago, in a far-off place called my violent childhood, I turned to white men for a reason. Actually, for many reasons. Some of them are illuminated in a blog post titled, how I fell in love with white men.
Point: sure, some of my reasons have to do with white men being members of the dominant race and the internalized racism and homophobia that runs through my veins.
But know this, niggers who are sick of me and others like me expressing our hurt feelings over racist gay men: one significant factor in my turning to white men (and white people in general) was the fact that my tired, black boy ass was fed up with black people, starting with my family, all up in my face aggressively, trying to tell me how the fuck to live my life!
So if you give a fuck about my life, or my feelings, niggers, don’t come at me like you’re ready to go to war with me over my feelings or choices.
Do not metaphorically, literally or digitally get all up in my face aggressively and tell me to get over everything I’ve ever been through in my life and to live my life according to what your brain has synapsed to.
Don’t tell me to hold back my hurt feelings, my anger or my disappointment over being rejected for any reason. When I’m bearing witness to my journey and my pain, I’m basically sharing my hurt feelings in an effort to better understand and heal myself.
By the way, if I had a dollar for every time my feelings were hurt seeing the phrase Whites and Latins only on the gay internet, I’d be a rich man. But if I had a dollar for every time I was rejected because of my HIV-positive status, I’d own the world.
Both types of rejection hurt my feelings. Both are the subject of my writing and social media posts. Are you going to chastise me for “rambling think pieces” by “some dejected black gay man” who was rejected because of HIV/AIDS?
Are you going get all up in my face aggressively and tell me to get over it? Tell me to stop crying and posting about it? Are you going to ask me, “what’s wrong with you for having feelings?”
Are you going to smash your head into a wall? Are you even thinking about it, bro?
Any kind of aggressive response by black folks to my feelings and choices will only end up pushing me even further into the arms of the white man, regardless whether or not the white man wants me.
Is that what you want? If it is, fuck you now and fuck you forever.
Randy Boyd author 