Author Randy Boyd is away authoring his next novel, The Bearcat Boyz on the Road of Life. Thanks to Freaky Deaky Technologies, the author’s characters are doing it for themselves in Guest Who? Our guest blogger today: Othello, better known as the crazy-ass, closeted pop star who tries to assassinate a homophobic US Senator in the suspense thriller Uprising.
Hey, blogosphere … My creator, Mr. Boyd, hasn’t given Uprising much props so far on Randy Boyd’s Blocks, even though Uprising, starring me, Othello, was the author’s first novel. In fact, Uprising was published in 1998, so 2008 marks the 10-year anniversary of Uprising, the suspense thriller by Randy Boyd. That means that Uprising is 10 years-old, like his dog Boomer.
Does Othello and his Uprising get a whole blog column with a cute title, like, When In Doubt, Pet the Dog? No.
Does Othello and his Uprising get a special blog feature called Uprising @ 10, like, say, a certain special blog feature known as Bridge Across the Ocean @ 20? No. Is Bridge itself twenty years old? No.
Does Othello and his Uprising get the one lil’ Happy Birthday blog post celebrating the 10th anniversary of Randy Boyd’s first published novel? Not to mention his first novel to make a best seller’s list? Not to mention his first novel to be nominated for a Lambda Literary Award? Not to mention the only Randy Boyd novel to be nominated for two Lammys, best men’s mystery and best small press title? No.
But Othello and his Uprising are not here to hate.
Othello is on the Blocks to help an author out by guest blogging about hot topics in the world today, so here goes …
I wanna sequel!!!!!!
Picture it: Uprising 2 … Othello, that’s me, is an out and proud homosexual mega pop star who’s topping the charts. He’s Prince, Madonna, Timberlakeland and Diddy Cool J all wrapped into one. But somebody’s out to kill him! And they know what Othello did last novel (plotted to kill a white man, a US senator at that!)
Once again, Othello, that’s me, must team up with Raider, the hunky hetero FBI agent, this time with Raider’s young son in tow.
Join the adventure as two and a half men fight for survival and gay rights, Rambo-style!
Now that’s a hot topic!
However … Othello, that’s me, was only “let out” of my author’s brain if I agreed to blog about current events, so … speaking of gay rights.
In Uprising, I was just as pissed off as the queers of today, you know, the ones who are protesting and demonstrating in the streets about gay marriage and anti-gay pastors and proposition this and that. When I wanted my civil rights in the suspense thriller, I thought I had to put a bullet in a US Senator’s head, thereby gettin’ all y’all fags to take to the streets. Holla!
Of course, as author Randy Boyd would have me, the feds sicced a hot blond, homophobe undercover agent after my ass, well, not my ass, but … what I mean is, he was out to nail me, and not in a good way. Ultimately, I ended up nailing him, but that’s besides the point.
“You nigger-fearing faggots need to get over y’all’selves and wise up.”
My plot to kidnap two other equally-closeted celebrities, a legendary baller and a media mogul, and recruit the ultimate queer warriors to be the foot soldiers in my deadly plan of assassination gave me pause, and that was before the harrowing chase sequence through the parade at gay pride LA.
Sometimes, there are better ways of getting what you want than acting up. For example, have you tried tearing down your own walls before tearing down the walls of other people?
During Uprising, I was too famous and closeted to roam around West Hollywood as my mega pop star self, so my creator gave me Hollywood makeup that turned me into an ordinary older black man, though handsome in my own eyes.
When I was in my Tom-Cruise-Mission-Impossible-type, old-black-man mask, not one of you faggots (of any race!) looked me in the eye. In the gay world, I was invisible to you. Or you feared me. Couple of you did speak from time to time, maybe when I was sittin’ at a bar.
You packing, old guy? You a top, sir, how big are you?
From the looks of it, nothing’s change. Randy Boyd’s nightmares about his Racist Gay Life are constantly waking my ass up in the deep space of his dreams. And that takes a lot, seeing as how Othello and his Uprising feel like the author’s neglected oldest kid (although he has given one of the Bearcat Boyz my FBI buddy’s last name. You go, Kincaide!)
So to help an author out, Othello and his Uprising are gonna tell it like it is, people to people:
You nigger-fearing faggots need to get over y’all’selves and wise up. And rise up over the sick ideas you have about all black people. That’s just yo’ dumb-ass, great-grand-pappy talkin’, spinning racist tales that over the years filtered into your small little brain before you knew shit about the world, which you still don’t, by the way, as obvious by the pathetic way you advertise yourselves on the internet.
The most popular phrase on the gay internet: WHITES AND LATINS ONLY, aka gay racism spelled out in ALL CAPS in case a nigga who’s hard of reading logs on. Do you have a fucking brain? Or is it all fried out by drugs and all that sex with thousands of different men? Yep, thousands. Or are you just a stupid-ass monkey in a man suit?
Maybe I tried to rise up against the wrong, narrow-minded pea brains in Uprising. Maybe Senator Jimmy Herman, the bastard I tried to off, was right. Maybe faggots really are a bunch of mutants incapable of a positive contribution to the world.
If Senators Jesse Helms and Strom Thurman were still alive, they’d be proud of you fags, living up to their stereotypes and upholding their racial values. They led the WHITES ONLY brigade before you, you know. Who did you think you were monkeying with all your racist ideas and justifications?
Jesse Helms is the grandpa of your dreams, faggot. He’s your pappy’s pappy, fool. Say hello to Grandfather Jimmy Herman, the homophobic Southern Senator in Uprising. You may vote for a biracial brutha who’s your only light in dark times, but remember this:
You yourself have not come a long way. Your WHITES ONLY “preferences” are keeping the legacy of slavery alive and well, faggots of America.
Does it mean anything to your logical, white American mind that white Canadians and white Europeans are not as racist as you?
How many white Canadian, Australian and European men have online profiles that say WHITES AND LATINS ONLY? Far fewer is an understatement. You still believe your white, all-American racist mind is of its own free will? Or was it born before you were because you were born in a country built by nigger slaves? Ma niggas.
That’s Grandpa Helms talking from your brain, boy. The same man who deemed you faggot and said faggots are sick sinners is the same man who taught you, WHITES ONLY, NOTHING PERSONAL, JUST A PREFERENCE.
Looking for an all-American blond boy, or Mediterranean. Or Latin. Or Asian maybe. But no nigger dare touch my private parts or get that close to me. Nothing personal, just a preference.
Don’t take it personal if I rise up and act out your worst nightmares about niggers, right in front of your face, you racist fools. Nothing personal, my great black ass.
How’s that for a hot topic? I know Othello and his Uprising are pretty jack up right about now.
Now where’s my sequel?!?!?!?!